June 11th - The Worst Day of My Life

On June 11th, 2003 my husband was killed in a car accident when a drunk driver collided into our car. The guy was also high on drugs, and he was going 65mph in a 35. The impact was so intense that I didn't even know where I was when I regained consciousness. I just remember waking up and feeling like I was going to die. I couldn't breathe and didn't know where I was. I just knew I was somewhere dangerous. Our car sounded like it was going to explode. I still didn't know I was in a car at that time. My first thought was that someone was trying to kill me by gassing me in a small container. I just felt restrained inside of something, and I saw people trying to get me out. At the time I didn't know if they were trying to get me out or trying to kill me. They finally got me out through my husband's window, which I didn't even remember because I must have blacked out again. One of the witnesses later told me how it happened. When I got out, the drunkdriver was screaming at me. That is when I realized we had been in accident. At that moment, I still did not remember what we had been doing just minutes before, and I didn't even remember that my husband and daughter were in the car. I sat on the edge of the sidewalk just thinking "this is awful...something really bad has happened." At that time I saw our car and I finally remembered that my husband and daughter were with me. I screamed, "My baby!!!! Save my baby." They got her out. She wasn't acting normal, but she didn't look hurt. She just looked very shocked. Then I saw my husband. He looked lifeless. His head was tilted back in the seat and his eyes were closed. I just hoped that he was alive. I screamed, "Save my husband" over and over. They weren't helping him. I just knew that was a bad sign, but I still had hope. In the meantime, the drunkdriver was getting rid of his drugs and alcohol by throwing them off the bridge and onto the highway below. The ambulance took my daughter and me to the hospital and nobody would tell me if my husband was okay. I never heard them bring him in. I kept trying to listen for a stretcher to go down the hall, but it never did. When I was on the phone with my dad, two people came into my room and introduced themselves as social workers. I knew at that moment, but I tried so hard to deny it. I told the social worker I was not prepared to hear anything. She said, "I think you know what happened." I said, "He died?" She said yes. I asked if he came to the hospital, and she said, "No...he died at the scene."
My husband was the center of my world for almost 8 years, and when our daughter was born, they were both the center of my world. Our daughter was 13 months old at the time, and I was also 4 months pregnant. The little boy my husband always wanted was born on December 8th, 2003. The most time I had ever been away from my husband before this happened was 6 days, but even then we talked every single day. He was a wonderful husband, and so devoted to our family. He would do just about anything for us. When this happened, I had just finished law school and we were about to start a new life. It was so exciting. It was all supposed to be so good. We would both be working and enjoying our babies together.
My whole life is gone. Nothing remains the same. Even the people that were a part of my life before are different because we have all been impacted by the loss. I still cannot comprehend the loss because every single day I think of new things that we will not be able to do together. It will take my whole life to comprehend it because I'm sure I will wake up every single day for the rest of my life and think of something else that we weren't able to do. I grieve for the best husband and father in the world for all that he did not get to do. I grieve for my children and the wonderful dad they didn't get to know. And I grieve for me....all the broken dreams and the soulmate that I lost.